The thing is, I no longer like my mother. I don’t like being around her because she hurts my heart. Repeatedly. I have allowed her to. Repeatedly.
Ironically, when I had that sudden-impact realization – wow! I don’t like my mother – was when I fully realized that my mother doesn’t like me! And hasn’t for a long time. Maybe always.
It hurt in different ways, to realize that my mother didn’t like me nor I her. One is a dull ache, the other a sharp fleeting pain, like a slap. Odd, that.
I feel your pain. My 79 year old mother lives with me and our relationship has been strained, stretched and tethered. We have never been close and this fact saddens me; however, I realize that we are very different people. I have made peace with the fact that I love her dearly, but dislike the angry, bitter, and mean person that resides within her. As a mother and wife, I refuse to give her power over my happiness. Live your life and move forward. Btw, thanks for visiting and like my blog.
You have a big and strong and wise heart! I take my hat off to you.
Thank you so much for your comment.
G
You’re welcome and thank you for the kind words.
Hi Gigi,
I went through this stuff with my mother and I remember the deep hurt. I thought she loved me, but I didn’t think she liked or respected me. In fact, one time she told me if I had not been born at home she would have thought I’d been switched at birth.
Thankfully, we both went through some healing processes and now we are very close and I can honestly say I really love and like my mother and I believe she feels the same about me. It took years to get to this place and I realize this is not everyone’s path.
I empathize with you and at the same time honor you for seeing your truth and having the courage to speak it and live it. Hugs, Brenda
Many thanks, Brenda.
Although all things are possible, I don’t think any healing will take place between my mother and me, primarily because of her steadfast refusal to take responsibility for her actions, words or behavior – not even a smidgin! A lot of delusion and maybe a lot of fear. Besides, we don’t have the luxury of a lot of years now, which is the real pity of it all.
Still, I am happy with my journey and my awakening thus far.
I appreciate your honesty and kindness, and marvel at the many out there comprising the ‘walking wounded’.
I often hesitate writing about such matters and then am so surprised at the responses and sharing of experiences.
Aloha nui, my friend,
Gigi
sending you deep love sweet one!
I’ll take it! Thank you!
G
It’s rough these difficult relationships with mothers, when the ideal or the model is the comforting mother who is there for you to fall on. This makes the smarting worse because you’re in the shadow of that model.
The thing is, in almost every society and culture, the sanctity of motherhood is recognized, but not that of the abused daughter.
Even I bought into it all, until recently when I came to a new awakening.
Thanks for your comment, S.
G
Gig, I came to that same realization with my grandmother – she just wasn’t very nice, and didn’t seem to like me too much either! When I heard the news she had died, when I was in my early twenties, I waited to feel something – but, nothing. We simply didn’t care for each other. It was harsh but true – and liberating. Be well x
Well, there goes the myth about the special bond between grandparents and grandchildren!
I love my mother and I care about her, but I guess she’s taught me to love and care for myself more. So thanks, mom!
I’ll definitely feel it when she goes (if she goes before me), but differently now, because I’m different now.
Thanks for sharing, M.
Much appreciated.
G
Gigi, this must have been the reason you were so sad the first post of yours that I ever read. If this unhappiness is taking the joy from your life you’ve got to find a way around it to survive and be yourself. Good luck to you. Remember: you can love someone but not like them very much.
Your last line is so true. I love my mom dearly, and I’m sure she loves me. Like, however, seems to be quite another matter.
The wonderfulness of it all is that my unhappiness itself has excavated and brought to light the joy within me.
Thank you for your comment.
It is true and good.
G
Hi G,
Glad to see you finally stepping out of the shadows of hurt and pain into the sunlight that discovery and knowledge bring to you…, not to mention happiness. It’s showing through your last posts. I identify personally with what you were going through. That’s another story for another day. This is your day and I’m happy for you.
Peace and love,
Paul
Thanks, Papa B!
God, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, but the hurts lead to great rewards, I suppose.
Long time coming, and it was there all along.
Everything has its timing, and everything is perfect, always.
We are the ones who make it so – I suppose (once again!).
You and John A and others have been such a solace to my heart.
And I appreciate it beyond, beyond! words.
Aloha nui
G
‘Twas nothing, darlin’ girl. That’s what friends are for.
You try to smile and stay positive Gigi, but deep down, I know, this hurts very deeply. My heartfelt empathy goes out to you.
Often, a realization is recognition of something that has been holding us back on our journey. Realizations are giant flashing signs on the pathway of life. They clear the fog, cause us to reflect on the situation at hand and, with renewed clarity, motivate us to take a new pathway on our journey to . . . who knows where. It doesn’t matter where. All that matters is that we move forward towards that which will fulfill the deepest longings of our heart. Realizations are feelings and feelings come from the heart. They are true and can be relied upon for decision making.
Resolution of relationship difficulties can take a long time – sometimes decades. In the mean time we need to get on with our life and find those relationships that bring a smile to our face.
This is the voice of experience.
Good luck with this one..
., . ./J
Hi John
You are spot on! It has been hard, this visit, but so good!
I’ve gone through what I had to, in order to become new.
Actually, in order to become more of who I really am.
So while there has been incredible hurt, there is a joy associated
with realizing these truths and being able to more fully and freely step into my life.
Thank you for your wisdom and empathy.
Aloha nui
Gigi